I made it through a screening of "New Moon" and didn't get mauled by 'tweens

Seriously, people go nuts for this shit? And I'm not just talking about 'tweens because I think their moms may be worse. There was one mom, obviously trying to pretend she hadn't hit 40 yet, decked out in a New Moon t-shirt that kept asking those around her whose "team" they were on. She (and her not-quite out of the closet son) were rooting for Jacob. Obviously because he was shirtless for most of the film and likes to wear cutoff jean shorts (in the rain. during winter. in the Northwest. Go figure.) So...whatever. I'm either too old to get it or too young to be aroused by jailbait. I mean, fine, his muscles are impressive, but I can't get behind all of this. I'm sorry; I'll take Eric in True Blood any day. I mean, c'mon, check out this photo! (Minus the lack of body hair, of course; that's just a little weird.)

To check out my full review, head over to TheMoviePress.com.